If the song-that-never-ends of this blog is “stop telling me not to complain,” the Neverending Story is how Good Little Christians™ are always, always, ALWAYS talking about how not complaining is some sort of religious high credit score. They love to extol the extraordinary virtues of people who suffer “without ever complaining.” One example they frequently cite while their fingers wag in my face is that of Joseph.
Y’all remember Joseph, in the book of Genesis. He who antagonized his immediate family until they got fed up with his pomposity, beat him up, threw him in a hole, sold him into slavery, and told his father he was killed by a wild animal.
Yep, that guy.
Certain types of Christians, especially preachers, like to pontificate on the subject of Joseph and all the crap he went through — and assert, repeatedly, that Joseph “never complained!”
Bull.
First of all, that’s not even a true statement, which I’ll get into. Second, even if it were, Joseph’s lack of “complaining” about the INCREDIBLE ABUSE he suffered wouldn’t be evidence of piety. And third, hello? People did a buttload of BAD THINGS to Joseph and those BAD THINGS were SINFUL. Way more sinful than “complaining” about those bad things!
Let’s go to the text, shall we?
Genesis 37: Jacob openly favored Joseph, his golden boy, and gave him the coat of many colors, so Joseph’s brothers were (quite naturally) jealous. Joseph had prophetic dreams of being a big shot and blabbed about them to his brothers, who (naturally!) hated him even more as a result. So they plotted to kill him, and that was wrong. The oldest brother was the voice of semi-reason, so all they did was take his fancy coat away and throw him in a hole. That was still wrong. Then they sold Joseph as a slave to some passing merchants. That was wrong. Then they made Jacob, their father, believe his favorite son was dead by putting blood on the fancy coat. That was wrong too. Meanwhile, those merchants sold Joseph to Potiphar, the captain of Pharaoh’s guard, in Egypt. That was wrong (but historically normal).
It bears pointing out that so far, we haven’t heard a peep out of Joseph. There’s no record of him “complaining” yet. Some would argue that since it isn’t mentioned in the text, it didn’t happen. And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.
Seriously. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. If something isn’t explicitly mentioned in the scripture, it means we DON’T KNOW. It does NOT mean that a completely normal human reaction never occurred. Come ON.
Moving Right Along
In Genesis 39, Joseph was blessed by God during this time. Even the Egyptians could see that this dude had the favor of his deity, so Potiphar promoted him and put him in charge of the household. Still a slave, but his master respected him and treated him well. Insert ominous foreshadowing here, because Potiphar’s wife set her horny eye upon Joseph and tried to get him in bed. Guess what? That was very, very wrong. For the first time since he was ditched by his brothers, we hear Joseph speak, and he’s protesting her advances.
Protesting. Refusing. Defending himself. Dare I say…complaining?
But he refused, and said unto his master’s wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand; There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?
She kept at it, and the text says he kept refusing her, until she got him alone to try and force him, only for him to run away leaving his garment in her grabby paws. She was so angry and humiliated that she falsely accused him of trying to rape her (SO! WRONG!), so of course when her husband came home he had Joseph thrown into prison. Yikes!
Here, again, Joseph goes silent, at least as far as the actual Scriptural record. We don’t hear him mount a defense (which, obviously, would’ve been pointless). I still say that just because it’s not recorded, that doesn’t mean he didn’t protest. But we do, again, see that God blessed Joseph even in jail. The prison keeper saw Joseph’s favor with his deity, just as Potiphar had, and promoted him and gave him responsibilities. Still a prisoner, but he was in good with the warden, and that’s always a plus.
Time Passed
In Genesis 40, Pharaoh got pissed off at his butler and baker for some reason and tossed them in jail, where they were placed under Joseph’s jurisdiction. Both of the prisoners had cryptic dreams, and despite being in prison for “a season,” they were sad about not having dream interpreters handy. (The PerksAtWork app for Pharaoh’s household must’ve been lit.) Joseph, having not learned to keep his fat mouth shut regarding dreams, offers his own interpretations, first to the butler. He says the dude will be restored to his position in the palace in three days time, and then…asks the butler to put in a good word for him when that happens.
But think on me when it shall be well with thee, and shew kindness, I pray thee, unto me, and make mention of me unto Pharaoh, and bring me out of this house: For indeed I was stolen away out of the land of the Hebrews: and here also have I done nothing that they should put me into the dungeon.
In other words, Joseph complains about his circumstances and tries to get someone to help him out.
I’ll pause to reflect here that I’ve heard a few preachers actually diverting from the narrative at this point and admitting that what Joseph did in the prison was complaining. Flying in the face of “Joseph never complained,” they sometimes present this part of the story as “Okay he actually only complained that one time, and look what happened! He stayed in prison! Because he complained instead of trusting God!” That sound you just heard was me rolling my eyes with all my might.
Of course, the baker did not get a positive dream interpretation so Joseph didn’t bother asking him for any favors. Three days later, Pharaoh threw himself a birthday party, re-hired the butler, and hanged the baker, just as Joseph had said. But the butler, in a classic case of “Screw you, got mine,” forgot all about Joseph. Welp.
Two full years then pass.
It actually says that at the beginning of Genesis 41. Two full years! And Pharaoh has a couple of weird dreams that trouble him. He sends for magicians and wise men, but somehow all the chicanery and prestidigitation and sleight of hand are on vacation because nobody can interpret his dreams.
At this point, the butler smacks his forehead and remembers Joseph (who, by the way, didn’t actually do anything for the butler — dude was going to get his job back in three days regardless). So Pharaoh summons Joseph from the prison, saying, “Hey I heard you like dreams, I had a couple of dreams, can you interpret the dreams?” And Joseph, finally, after ALL THESE CHAPTERS, gives props where they are due:
And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.
Dude. God has allowed you to prosper in the midst of all the crap that has been happening, and you didn’t even acknowledge his favor until now (as far as we know, since it’s not in the text. “If it’s not recorded, it didn’t happen” goes both ways).
Could it be that “complaining” is not really the problem so much as not recognizing God’s presence in our trials? More on that later.
The Climax
Making sure to mention God again, Joseph explains Pharaoh’s dreams, tells him about the seven years of plenty and seven years of famine, and advises him to hire a trustworthy guy to run Egypt for him. Pharaoh agrees, chooses (spoiler alert!) Joseph, and gives him the biggest of all promotions, and even a wife.
Many years then pass, during which Joseph is the Big Shot who sets up Egypt to have plenty of food stored for when the famine comes. And we then have to plow through SEVERAL chapters of the book of Genesis in which Joseph plays head games with his starving brothers (who of course no longer recognize him).
Sidebar: Was THAT wrong? Joseph psychologically tormented his brothers, repeatedly, during a time in which their people were going hungry. Was it okay for him to do that? To gaslight and humiliate them further after they came to beg for bread? I’ve NEVER heard a preacher talk about the terror and torture Joseph puts his family through, including his little brother Benjamin and his elderly father Jacob. Was he exacting revenge for what they did to him? If so, was that wrong? Somehow less wrong than “complaining” about all the bad things that had been done to him?
Happily Ever After…Eventually
Finally, at the start of Genesis 45, Joseph reveals himself in a big emotional scene, and when his brothers stand there scared to death of him, we get the first of many “It’s all good” quotes:
Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.
Pardon me while I grind my teeth. We then have several MORE chapters wherein the brothers get their father Jacob to come to Egypt, and Joseph takes care of all of them, and Pharaoh meets everybody and blah blah blah while the famine rages on. And Jacob blesses his sons before croaking, and of course the brothers are scared of Joseph again (still?) now that their father has died, and finally, FINALLY in chapter 50 we get the punch line. The line favored by preachy Christians everywhere:
But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.
Missing the Point?
The story of Joseph is invariably trotted out as a lesson in forgiveness. That last verse is often paired with one from the New Testament, Romans 8:28:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
In other words, according to the Good Little Christians™, stay positive! Turn the other cheek! It’ll all work out for good as long as you forgive your enemies and never complain! Be like Joseph! He suffered terribly at the hands of his brothers and he never — oh, wait.
Look. It’s obvious from the text that “Joseph never complained” isn’t true. You can argue that his protests “don’t count” for whatever reason, but can we please cut the crap? He did speak up in his own defense. He did object to being mistreated. Probably way more than the scripture itself records, because he was a normal human being and, wait for it:
IT IS NORMAL TO CRY OUT WHEN WE ARE HURT.
I am sick to death of hearing the paeans of praise for the uncomplaining. We are allowed to feel bad about our problems. We’re permitted to talk about them, to ask for help to get through them and past them. Especially when we’ve been victimized by a bad person doing something bad to us.
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
How can we fulfill Galatians 6:2 if we’re not supposed to speak to each other of those burdens?
But EVERYBODY has tales of saintly suffering people who don’t complain. Every time you turn around, there’s a feel-good book or a movie-of-the-week about these oh-so-holy angels-in-waiting. They’re inspirational, after all. They “overcome adversity” and “fight against all odds” with a smile on their faces. They never give up, never give in to despair, never surrender to their misery. One of my former roomies told a story about some friend of hers who had cancer, and it was horrible, “and she never complained!”
And yes, I know such people exist in real life. I myself encountered a specimen of the Uncomplaining Sufferer a few weeks ago. I was outside the doors of my bank early in the morning, waiting for them to open. Also waiting was an old man in a motorized wheelchair. He had only one leg, and a catheter bag full of urine was visible dangling from under the blanket in his lap. He was missing many teeth and was not well-groomed. But he greeted me brightly with a “Good morning! How ya doing?” to which I politely replied, “So far so good!” And you know what this guy said to me in response?
“Can’t complain, there’s always somebody who’s got it worse!”
Yes. Yes, there is.
There’s always somebody. And I’m allowed to feel bad when that somebody is me.
I realize I’m screeching into the void at this point (let’s face it, have been for years), but for whatever insomniac randos might stumble upon this post and actually read this far, I must repeat:
GOD CARES ABOUT MY PROBLEMS, EVEN IF YOU DON’T.
The Bible is full of people wailing in their suffering! There are ENTIRE BOOKS AND CHAPTERS devoted to what would seem like “complaining” to some of you people. The story of Job, for one (I’m tentatively planning another screed for the future about him and his “friends,” stay tuned). Or the book of Lamentations, where the complaining IS IN THE TITLE. Many of the Psalms are complaints. And even in the New Testament, many of Paul’s letters are brimming with bitching, where he complains about the recipients’ lack of faith.
Here’s the thing.
Joseph did complain. So did Job. So did David, and Solomon, and Paul, and many others. God still loved them and used them. The key, I think, is to acknowledge God’s presence in the midst of all these things. The Lord WANTS me to lift up my voice — TO HIM. He wants me to ask HIM for HIS help.
AND HE WANTS YOU, YES, YOU, TO BE HELPFUL TO THOSE WHO ARE CRYING OUT. He doesn’t want you telling victims of horrible circumstances that their problems are not that bad. STOP IT.
Yes, there are plenty of passages where the Bible warns us not to be grumblers or murmurers. Not to harbor bitterness, not to cause division among believers. It’s true. But not every “complaint” is sinful grumbling. A struggling person is already in enough pain without your sanctimonious downplaying of their very real issues. When someone has been abused and victimized and abandoned, do you really think Jesus would want you to chastise them for their “negativity”?
Instead of finger-wagging, please, for the love of God, have some compassion and discernment and try to be an encouragement to someone who has the temerity to give voice to his or her suffering. Do what it says in Romans 12:15:
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
PLEASE.
This post is yet another one of many that have been sitting in my drafts for ages. I’m still struggling with my circumstances and I was recently reminded again of the BS claim that not complaining makes you a good Christian and a holy person. Thanks for reading!