Sex is awesome. Did you know that?
When you think about it, sex is the first gift God ever gave to us. What was the first command he issued to Adam and Eve, after he placed them together in the Garden? Genesis 1:27-28:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (KJV)
“Be fruitful and multiply,” or as I might have said, “Get to it!”
Millions of people in the world don’t realize a very fundamental and (to me) obvious truth: The Bible is very sex-positive, in the context of husband and wife.
God is pro-sex!
Due to centuries of Satan’s interference, unfortunately, there are many, many people who don’t get that. Many of them, even more unfortunately, who are devoted followers of Christ.
What breaks my heart the most about this, though, is how SO MANY of the deceived are female. Because God crafted us — women — specifically in such a way as to enjoy the sexual act as much as men, if not more so. And I mean physically, not just emotionally and spiriturally. (Hello, multiple orgasms? YES PLEASE.)
Eons ago, I had a lengthy, on-again-off-again affair with a married man whose wife had refused to be touched by him for years. Let me be clear: I don’t in any way justify what I did. It was wrong. What I did was a sin. It was not okay in any way whatsoever. But it did open my eyes to a serious issue: People really don’t understand sex.
I had many conversations with him about his marriage. One comment he made more than once about his wife was that “she’s just wired differently” than I was (my libido, not gonna lie, is WAAAAAAY up there). I have trouble reconciling his words, though, because as far as I’m concerned, all women are “wired” the same, anatomically. However, we are most definitely programmed differently.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (KJV)
Non-believers frequently have this bizarre notion that Christian men “own” their wives. They think that a woman must be subservient to her husband and scrape and bow to his every whim. But 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (above) makes it clear that in fact, husbands and wives belong to each other. They have an obligation to meet each other’s needs. Each of those three verses explicity speaks of the mutual nature of the importance for both husband and wife to honor and serve each other sexually. “Husband…wife.” “Wife…husband” “One the other” (one another), “come together.” It’s a two-way street.
Yes, a wife is called (elsewhere in scripture) to submit to her husband as the spiritual leader of the home. But:
- “submission” does not AT ALL mean servitude or enslavement, and
- the Bible also commands a husband to love his wife so much as to be willing to die for her (Ephesians 5:25).
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (KJV)
If a man is lording it over his wife like a dictator on a power trip, regarding intercourse or anything else in their relationship, that’s not biblical.
It utterly destroys me to know that there are millions of women and young girls in this world who think of sex as something completely opposite to God’s intention. I have known, spoken to, and read about MAAAANY ladies who consider sex to be:
- Something you have to do in order to keep your boyfriend from cheating on you
- Something to put up with because you’ve been taught that it’s required of you
- A weapon or tool for use in negotiating or punishing someone
- Something to grit your teeth and endure for the sole purpose of having a baby
- Something “dirty” that’s not for women to enjoy
I know I’m not alone in thinking that it’s a crime, how so many women have been brainwashed in this way over the centuries. Unlike many of my contemporaries in feminist movements and the like, however, I don’t blame men.
I blame Satan.
Who else but the Father of Lies could take such a MIND-BLOWINGLY AMAZING GIFT of God and convince half the planet that it sucks?
Ladies. In case you don’t know, sex with your husband is supposed to feel good for you. Not just “in your heart” and “joyful soul” and “honoring God’s command” and “so happy to make a baby” but PHYSICAL. TINGLES. ORGASMS. PLURAL.
If you don’t know what that’s like, I urge you to do some reading. Talk to your husband, who had damn well better be receptive to your needs and willing to have a conversation about it. I understand all too well the reluctance that some folks have to give voice to such intimate topics, but the deep communion inherent to the marriage relationship should allow you to be open with each other.
Those verses above, from 1 Corinthians 7, describe a mutually gratifying sexual intimacy between husband and wife. That means (for example) if you’re sick, recovering from surgery, or currently in the “please kill me” phase of an uncomfortable pregnancy, he should probably “render due benevolence” to you by cutting you some slack and not expecting much, if anything. At the same time, if he’s going through a hard time at work or at school, having no luck with the job search, or his ex-wife is giving him grief about custody arrangements, maybe cut him some slack even if you’re too tired or not necessarily in the most amorous of moods.
Not because the Bible says you “have to.” Because you should WANT to. Any man who tries to force sex on his wife because Scripture commands it is missing the point of marriage, and needs to check himself. And any woman who doesn’t enjoy sex with her husband is missing out on one of the most extraordinarily pleasurable experiences God ever showered upon us.
Y’all, please talk about this stuff. There are Bible-based resources out there to encourage you.
Sex is awesome.
You and your spouse deserve to know that and share that.